Darkness

Behind my eyelids, I can feel my lantern going out. Everything is shrouded in featureless blackness. It makes no difference whether my eyes are closed or open. I taste the dust on my tongue, feel its rattling in my airways, the grinding between my teeth. My throat aches from the shouts no one hears. Nobody will come to save me. I have known for a long time that this is how my world will end. I just didn’t expect it to be here.

I am alone under rubble. Rock fragments are still coming loose from the ceiling. Their impact and my breathing are the only sounds in this chamber. I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here. The energy of my suit is exhausted. I search my memory for the last images of the cave before its collapse. Constellations of columns growing out of ceiling and floor, reflections in the mirror of a lake. A glittering veil covers everything, throwing back the light of my lantern like a thousand twinkling stars. Colors that cannot be found on the surface of this world.

I feel my muscles trembling and listen to the rattling of my teeth. Behind my lids, my eyes project a tangle of shapes and colors into the darkness. My brain tries to assemble them into coherent objects. The cold and low oxygen levels keep me slipping into unconsciousness. Seconds, hours, I have lost all sense of time. The roaring of the blood in my ears slows down. My body becomes numb and rigid.

The sea of rocks expands to the last corners of my perception. I no longer know whether my eyes are open or closed. I don’t know if my body is paralyzed by the cold or the weight of the rubble. I open my mouth, gasping for air, but far too little of it reaches my lungs. I can survive a handful of hours in this thin atmosphere without my suit’s life support systems. But I don’t know how many of those have passed. Every breath is a struggle.

For a moment I feel infinitely free and weightless. I blink. There is only darkness. Without a fixed point for orientation, it feels like a freefall. Until the crash comes. The pressure on my chest increases. Something inside breaks and the pain becomes unbearable. Dust burns in my throat. Oxygen no longer reaches my lungs. And then, there is a light…

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